Day one hundred forty-four of my 365 Day Writing Project.
I had a very long, exhausting day today that left me struggling to keep my eyes open tonight. l was feeling unaccomplished as I tried to write, because I wasn’t sure how the current scene should continue. I was also feeling unaccomplished about only writing 500 words for the second day in a row. Which is really pretty good, all things considered. (Note to self: Any amount of writing is an accomplishment, as long as you are writing every day.)
I have had this ongoing feeling of being a disappointment to future readers because of difficulties I am having as I write. Doubts about the scenes. Concerns about the characters. Struggles with word usage, flow, sentence structure, description, etc. Tonight it occurred to me that none of that stuff matters right now. I will be editing and re-writing and polishing my manuscript many times before future readers lay their eyes upon it. One hopes that by then, the difficulties and doubts will have evaporated. They will be non-existent. And the readers will never know that I struggled with this part or totally bombed that part. They will only see the shiny end product.
I must remind myself that it doesn’t have to be great yet. It will get there. I don’t have to be a writing maniac shattering word count goals. I’m still writing and my book is nearing the end of its first draft. It will get there. And trying to please future readers now, at this early stage, is pointless. They won’t read it in its current state. The book they end up reading will be very different from what it is now. The doubts, struggles and difficulties will be gone and they will be none the wiser. What the reader doesn’t know won’t hurt them.